Whatever your safety nets to stop you going crazy, pulling the pin on a foul mouthed rant, turning to drink or drugs … can you medicate, or mediate, via yoga or meditation or a walk or run or singing. (I appreciate sometimes it seems only a large glass of wine is the only, viable answer.) But can you sort it via another way?
Do you have a partner, DH, to talk to? A friend to call? Sibling? Parent?
Do you have a place you can take yourself where it is just you, calm and peaceful where you can clear your mind.
Fatigue? Burn out? Too much to do. Too many demands stretching you in all directions. I sometimes said when asked for ‘Just one more favour’, that, that “One more extra” would take me over ‘ping point’. As in the elastic will go ‘ping’.
As parents if we are going to keep going we have to select and delegate.
Are you waking in the early hours? “Tick Tock”, “Scratch scratch”, as it has been described to me.
What to choose from:
Money be it bills or how to pay for the school shoes.
One of your children’s problems at school or with a school mate.
Why don’t they help more? Why me always doing everything?
You and your spouse, Dd, work life balance,
Money (again),
An “ex” being tricky about child care or stepping up. Or being too intrusive.
One of your parents is ill or needing care.
(There are those who have first world problems. I heard one mother complaining that she woke in the middle of the night desperately concerned …. I took a breath thinking it was very serious, it seemed she was about to tell me something bad … she was so strung out … about their swimming pool. I breathed retaining my instinct to scream, ‘WTF”. “Seriously”.)
For the rest of us it is about negotiating tomorrow or the weekend or even half term. And in order to do that effectively we need a good nights rest.
Night and Day
My internal clock sends me to sleep around 10.30 but my husband is a night owl, and likes to work in the small hours. It takes it toll. Cracking the get to bed early routine needs discipline.
The sleep experts all recommend at least 7, but best 8 hours a night. You may have your favourite sleep expert. I recommend Dr Michael Mosely and https://fast-asleep.com and Dr Matthew Walker, “Why We Sleep”, ironically I have it on a my bedtime book on Audible. https://www.sleepdiplomat.com
Doctors recommend the sleep achieved before midnight is the best. Also, the advise is not to use laptops and phones in the hour before bed. The ‘blue light’ affects sleep.
4-7-8 Breathing
If you find settling before sleep a stretch, you could try the 4-7-8 ratio.
- Four breaths in
- Hold for 7
- Breath out for 8
Holding for 7 and out for 8 maybe a little too much. What is important is to breath out for longer than you breath in, and to hold for a time.
Relaxing your whole body.
You may have found your own relaxation technique. If not, your could try using this with the 4-7-8 breathing
- lying flat,
- with your arms beside you,
- your feet flopped open
- check your jaw, relax it (some suggest touching the upper palate with the tip of your tongue to relax the jaw)
- breath slowly
- send your focus to your toes, feet,
- relax your feet, breath.
- work your way through your body,
- if you are distracted, bring yourself back
- focus on the breath and counting
- calves, knees, thighs, hips, stomach, chest
- don’t forget to breath in, and out, at each
- and keep bringing your focus back to the breath and counting
- and onwards to your fingers, hands, arms, shoulders
- and if you are still awake, up to your neck, your jaw, your head
- keep deep breathing.
If you are still awake after you could take yourself to your fantasy garden, a beautiful beach. Sometimes you may just want to calm yourself , quieten your mind by focussing on the flame of a candle. Give yourself time out from the spin.
Here is the advice from the NHS on stress and how to deal with it..
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/stress/