Tinker Tailor
Soldier sailor
Rich man, Poor Man
Beggar man
Thief.
Doctor, lawyer
And so the old verse goes. I remember my Grandmother counting off her plum stones around the her plate. Parts of the rhyme having being appropriated by writers such as Le Carre and Irwin Shaw, Tom Waits and Radiohead.
How do you rise above the busy-ness of everyday to seize time for you.
Whatever your occupation, it can be a challenge squeezing all you have to do into being the best parent you can be let alone “living your best life”.
How best to hold together working, and being a good parent, maybe having time with friends, and here’s a thought, time for you.. are there times when every action, person and hope hits the ground.
The refrain AIBU echos around stretched parents shouting on Mumsnet, up against the odds, feeling their other half or children or friends are not supporting their efforts. And it’s probably true. With big problems crowding around, the vent comes when yet again you’re the one to empty the bin.
There is the ideal flashed over advertisements and there is the reality of orange juice splashed over the kitchen floor. The best planned days, underpinned by lots of organisation and bubbles of high hope, just seem to curl at the edges because you are too tired from work or someone else’s screw up or beyond your control commitment, curls the day at the edges.
And on the weeks you think I’ve got this, and an ‘nth’ of smugness is creeping in, you get hit by a mini !?!?! like forgetting the Harvest festival gifts or they catch the lurgy going around school, or one games sock or their school tie are lost. You unexpectedly have to wash their school kit because a yoghurt fight broke out at break.
And just when you’re having a happy balloon of a day,
it is spiked,
by one irritating relation or someone who has no filters but to whom you are obliged to be polite.
Sandwich Generation
And in all this, let’s not forget the extra demands for the “sandwich generation” where children in their 30 sand 40s have elderly parents to care for as well as their own children. Sandwiched between the elderly and the young, stretched in two ways, guilty for neglecting either. It’s a tough gig. And to make it work you need, time out, ‘escape hatches’.
Escape Hatches
Exercise classes, a local football or hockey team, a book club, dancing classes (little bit of Strictly!), a choir, running a half marathon, or bicycling from London to Paris or just going to the movies, are all outlets for high stressed parents. And it is not a luxury, growing children are a long term endeavour so you need to find ways to cope.
If you can stretch to it a weekend away with your other half. Result on all levels.
I was flattened with labyrintithus (severe giddiness) caused by a virus. However, the time to recover caused by viral fatigue, was much longer than anticipated because I was exhausted. If I become too stressed, I invariably have a repeat, ‘episode’. So, take it from someone who knows, and from others with whom I’ve talk, who have had similar experiences when the body says, “No”, and demands, ‘Enough’, it can and will stops you in your tracks.
It’s a stretch but try to keep the the work life whether it’s saying, “No” to another commitment, or re-arranging your schedule, or including a yoga class/half marathon/bike ride, do what will help you ease the strain. If not harmony, then a less stress filled life. As the song goes, ‘Make it mellow, easy.’
James in the Fusion on at Spinnaker Yacht Club, Ringwood, Hants.
And when it all goes off make sure you well out of range, and preferably not in your pyjamas….
“Self-help” book clutter bookshop shelves from the Dalia Lama to C-list celebes. I suggest:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F??k.by Mark Manson who describes himself as a ‘self-hating, self-helping’ guru. There is also a documentary on Amazon Prime and Youtube.
And a contemplative and inspiring book particularly for strung out mothers which I loved, and have given to many friends.
.
And the book with so much wisdom, insight and love. Think about some problem, focus, then open the book, The Prophet by Kahil Gibran https://www.kahlilgibran.com/
